私は三年間東京住んでいました。その時に日本の文化、言葉と生き方についてたくさんならって、日本の生活たいしてすごく住み心地の良いになりました。でも外人に対して日本で住むことをあまり住みやすくないんです。
日本で住むことを始まる時に外人が日本の文化と言葉、についてなにも分からない。そして日本人とあまり連絡をできません。色々日本人は英語をしゃべれる、だけどまだ日本の文化についてよく分からないで誤解がたくさんがあります。
例えば：
１．日本人にはじめてと日本人よくLets go to the Izakaya sometimeを言っています。外人はこの文を聞くと本との招待だと思っています。そして、外人の答えは、
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You may have studied in texts about Japanese culture and language, but you may not actually have been learning them in real life. What you wrote here seriously lacks an understanding of Japanese culture – sad to say, a stereotypical gaijin complaints some foreigners never get past. For one, your grammar is still at a very low level, and most of your paragraphs do not make sense. What is honne and tatemae? In your second complaint you say that it’s insulting that Japanese people comment on how well you use your chopsticks. It’s an obligated line to say, just as people tell you how fabulous your Japanese is after you spoke three words of Japanese. The correct response you should have given is “I’m not good at all” – line of praise and line of modest declining. What’s the deal with people asking you out but not actually getting back to you? This one is not completely honne and tatemae. If they seriously thought of building a relationship with you, it’s guaranteed that they will dine out with you. If they didn’t really care, their lines are just tatemae. It’s sad that after three years you still couldn’t see the pattern. What’s the point of living in a foreign land if you aren’t understanding or even trying to understand their unspoken rules and systems?
Hello Z,
Thanks for your comments. Please do not misunderstand my post. I love Japan and Japanese culture and spent three years living in Japan. I’m also often “homesick” for Tokyo and it is one of my favorite countries to be in. But as you say “sad to say, a stereotypical gaijin complaints some foreigners never get past.” Therefore, these issues are real and I feel that addressing them can be a positive thing. I also enjoy getting a good debate going and felt I could do so with this post. This does not mean I’m stuck in this phase but simply want to address “the old stereotypical gaijin complaint.” These issues are addressed in many sociological books and can be frustrating for many gaijin. Why not be able to discuss them?
I also wrote in Japanese so that those that cannot read English can get some understanding about what some gaijins’ feel when in Tokyo. I know that my grammar is not that good but I do my best since I did not have the privilage to grow up in a multi-lingual environment. Also, this blog is about Tokyo so I think we gaijins should make an effort to post in the native language from time to time even if we cannot do so perfectly. How else can we improve? If everyone attacked a non-native speakers level then one would not be inclined to ever try and speak the foreign language. Why the attack? You seem to have understood the post and therefore, I got my meaning across which is the function of language – simple communication even if a lot of errors are made.
Honne and Tatemae:
Honne is one
Elmateo,
I have no authority on the topic of Honne and Tatemae, but quite frankly, and without denying that they surely exist in some traditional situations, codified to the extreme, your observations really sounds more like what I read or hear of other Japan-studying gaijins, than what I have been experiencing in daily life over the past few years.
Granted, I do not work in a venerable kaisha, nor even frequent much of the perennial Japanese salaryman, so perhaps we are simply lacking a demographic match, but of all the people I know, most are both outgoing and very frank in their interactions. At least in the same proportions as any regular human being, with human shortcomings, could be expected to be. I’ve observed such a dichotomy between public and private feelings at least as much, if not more, in my dealings with non-Japanese cultures…
As for the “let’s do lunch sometimes”… Man, you’ve never lived in California, have you?
All right: all jokes aside, there again, and indeed coming straight from California at the time, I am even ashamed to admit that I was actually taken aback more than once when it turned out that people actually /meant/ it, when they offered to do something in some unspecified future… There again, I think you are talking more about human nature and flakiness in general than real “honne” and “tatemae”, which may exist and be part of Japanese “specificity” (Nihonjinron, now talk about a textbook-concept that comes up all the time in daily life)…
PS: sorry to add to the crankiness, and not directed at you, Elmateo: I must say the commenting system on metblogs quite sucks. I had to spend 15 minutes dealing with a “comment denied for questionable content” offering no other explanation, nor a way to have it submitted to a moderator (for what it’s worth, it appears there is some sort of asinine filtering on “us [dot] com” in the URL field that evidently caught my own domain name, as it will with thousands of other perfectly valid ones)…
Speaking as a person who designs such systems, I must say this is pretty sub-par for a blog.
Hi Dr. Dave!
You just gave me an idea for a new post! I’m wondering where you live and if it’s true that Osaka people are nicer and more outgoing than Tokyo people. I haven’t met many people from Osaka and can only offer one comparison. Here in Saigon, there are many many Japanese tourists. I met a group from Osaka in Nha Trang and they were a deeelight. We met on the “party boat” and I invited them out for dinner that night and they accepted immediately. They had a ball practicing their English with my friends and they told me it was true that Osaka people are more friendly than Tokyo people. I also met two lovely ladies from Tokyo one night at a bar. I was drinking with my friends and I could see two obvious tourists perusing the menu outside. I had had a few beers and went out and invited them (in japanese) to come sit and talk with us. The politely declined and moved along. But then they came back in about 10 minutes and had a great time practicing English. So perhaps we should start this debate between Tokyo and Osaka people.
I have never lived in California but this is an idea for another post. I have met so many Japanese (Asians in general) who dream about moving to California or Hawaii. I’ve been to California on vacation but really don’t have any idea about the place now. I say that if I ever move back to the United States it will probably be Hawaii or California due to the large Asian population. But you are reinforcing my negative image of California as superficial, arrogant, money loving “new age people” who do yoga (not that there is anything wrong with yoga or the “new age” movement). I also see it as a little dangerous and would worry a lot about my Japanese girlfriend if we moved there. I’ve also heard numerous times from all sorts of Asian friends that they want to move to San Jose. One of my best Vietnamese friends actually told me that he will only live in California because he’s heard that Americans are not nice in other states.
Finally, on the Honne and Tatemae subject, I can honestly tell you that I actually prefer this system now. I like polite but I know for many gaijins that they prefer people to be honest and upfront in the beginning even if rude. One of my Japanese friends summed it up in this way. “Yes we like polite and we do not like conflict. So we are always polite but the trick is to find out what the other person is really thinking and try to reach an agreement without flatly rejecting any idea or suggestion.” My girlfriend and I also use this system on a daily basis even though we are as close as close can be because we respect each other. A typical example is this:
Matt: Where do you want to eat tonight?
GF: dou shiooo ne
Matt: Well, what sounds good?
GF: Etooooooooo
Matt: Have you heard of any good places recently?
At this point she may offer many many suggestions but at the same time she is trying to figure out where I want to eat and I’m doing the same with her. If I really want her to decide I have to say something like,,, “Really, honestly, I don’t mind, anywhere is ok, you decide, really, I can’t decide tonight, please make a decision.”
Of course this example is a bit exaggerated but it is ment to demonstrate the point that in just about everything we try to find out what the other person wants to do and this makes the relationship go very smoothly. I get such a shock when I go back to the US and people are so direct all the time.
Sorry about the comment system. We had a big problem with Spam not so long ago and got flooded with comments for casinos and whatnot. I’m not sure which steps our administrator took but it’s out of my hands. Sorry for the frustration but please keep posting.
On a final note, I do like to post about things that will get a lot of comments and debates going. I find that I can learn more and broaden my perspective by playing devil’s advocate. It keeps me on my toes and I like to learn as much as I can about other perspectives in case my own is wrong and I have been unable to see it on my own. If you think of any issues that you think would make a good post please let us know so we can keep the blog interesting.
とても楽しく読ませていただきました。
また来ます。
このＢＬＯＧＳＩＧＨＴ、大変面白いです。
また来ます。
Ｓｅｅ Ｙｏｕ .
I try to learn japanese with this services. But learn this language impossible.